There is an intimate relationship between failure and giving up. Unfortunately, most people have the relationship backward.
Most people will ask, “How many times do I have to fail before I give up?”
Successful people ask, “How many times will I give up before I learn to fail?”
Let me explain the difference I mean.
THE PATH OF FAILURE
Failure is only ‘failure’ if you fail to learn from it.
As someone wise once said, “Experience is just the name we give to our failures.”
Similarly: “There is no failing. There is only success — and learning.”
As long as you learn from every failure, you’re not failing — you’re learning.
I’ve always said: “I never make the same mistake twice. I make new mistakes every time.”
And the brilliant physicist Neils Bohr said, “An expert is merely someone who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a narrow field.”
Mediocrity, then, can only be created by failing to learn from our failures.
Want to truly fail? The way to do that is to be so afraid of failure that you never try to do anything worthwhile.
This described my life….for years. I was the guy who said, “I’ve tried a bunch of times, and I’ve failed each time. It’s time to just admit I’m no good at this, and give up.”
I gave up on my dreams of entrepreneurship. I gave up with women. I gave up trying to learn new skills. I’ve given up a LOT in my life.
That’s one of the reasons my life isn’t more full — I’ve literally “given up” having the things I wanted to have.
(Don’t get me wrong — my life is wonderfully full, and I feel blessed every day. I’m not complaining. I’m sounding a cautionary note — what are you ‘giving up’ having in your life by giving up trying?)
Conquering the fear of failure is a topic for an entirely different post, but suffice it to say, if you truly wish to rise to greatness, you must conquer your fear of failure…your fear of success…and your fear of looking foolish in front of everyone.
When you learn to fail successfully …when you learn to learn from your failures….then you step onto the path of failure, and you can learn anything, because you refuse to give up. You won’t quit. No matter how long it takes. You have grit.
And greatness comes from grit. (Tweet this.)
The path of failure, then, is actually the path of victory. It’s only those who develop the courage to fail who are rewarded with the courage to succeed.
THE PATH OF GIVING UP
This has been a my life-long character flaw: I give up too easily.
I actually considered it a sign of a discriminating mind. I thought, “If that girl can’t see how awesome I am, it’s her loss.” So I failed to follow up with women who wanted to date me.
I thought, “That job would be too easy,” so I failed to get jobs that were laid at my feet and would have given me important experience.
I thought, “Oh, it’s almost impossible to find a graphic designer who understands my vision…so I might as well not even try” and failed to publish books when I had more than enough great content to share with the world.
Giving up is emotionally pleasing because it saves you from having to try, even try hard, and still fail. It saves you from the discomfort of being publicly humiliated when you tell people you’re going to do something, fail to achieve it, and see them laugh at you. It saves you from hearing weak-minded, small people tell you “I told you so.”
It takes mental discipline to build yourself into someone who doesn’t give up. It takes guts to have grit.
On the other hand, it’s easy to be a dilettante. It’s easy to say, “Oh, I do a little writing….a little painting…..a little music….I’ve played around with business ideas….but I’m not serious about it.”
Is that because you’re afraid of failure? Or is that because you know you’ll give up at the first obstacle?
I have news for you: you didn’t try hard enough.
The media fills our heads with images of smooth, suave James-Bond-like characters who succeed without apparent effort. This image is a lie. In reality, most people who have “won” at the game of life are quick to “hide the ladder” of success that they climbed up, rung by slippery rung. People want us to believe that their inherent genius was just naturally recognized. They want to believe that themselves. So they hide the ladder.
Here’s the real picture: every successful person you see climbed a rickety, slippery, hodgepodge ladder to their current position. It was never a sure thing. There was much luck involved. There were many happy accidents.
Of course they brought their own skill, talent, hard work, and dogged persistence to the ladder. But they also had mentors, guides, guardian angels, luck, karma, and ‘random’ events that helped out at every step along the way.
And one other critical thing: none of them gave up.
If you want to be successful, there are two things you can do today that will help you get there.
- Decide, today, that you will never give up. No matter what.
- Decide, today, that you will fail as much as possible… in order that you may someday have a chance to succeed.
Of course you will need to do much, much more to succeed that simply make these two decisions. Those two items are only the price of admission. They are the bedrock foundation upon which success might be build. They are not a sure thing; they are not a guarantee. You will feel no certainty whatsoever at any time. Even a successful mega-star like rapper Drake should feel no certainty; his fortune is transient, like all things. It could disappear. It’s happened before.
But if you can make those decisions, and if you can hew to them closely, you will have a much better chance of success, in whatever endeavor you choose.
May we all be so disciplined.
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Also published on Medium.