How to Negotiate Like a Millionaire: 3 Powerful Phrases

The following post is Fierce Negotiations 101.

It’s drawn from my own experience negotiating with millionaire business owners, as well as a few excellent books in the field, which are listed in the bibliography at the end of the post.

It’s highly recommended that any aspiring Fierce Negotiator read all three books, but we know you’re busy.

That’s why we’ve compiled the following 7 attitudes, 24 solid guidelines, and 3 specific, powerful phrases to take your negotiation game to the next level.

Use these, and they will ensure that not only do YOU get more out of your negotiations, but EVERYONE will get more.

7 KEY ATTITUDES OF FIERCE NEGOTIATORS

Many people think of negotiations as requiring emotional manipulation & strong-arm tactics, such as outlandish first offers, bluffing, & forced scarcity, but people who use these tools usually get less, not more.
People who consistently get more in negotiations are focused on the other party: the pictures in their heads, and their hopes, fears & dreams. They stay focused on the person they are negotiating with, and what they want. They know that the best way to get someone to do something for you is to provide them with a benefit, not threaten them.
People who get more do a few things consistently: they think about the other person first, they seek to understand them, they seek to establish the right processes, they use standards, the focus on people & process, and they are incremental.
90% of getting more in a negotiation is people & process. 10% is details of price, product, value, terms, etc. But most people spend their time focused on the 10%, not the 90%, and consequently, most people get less.
Good negotiators know that their most important asset is their credibility. Because of that, they don’t use strong-arm tactics, they don’t add fake time pressure, they don’t make up competing offers, they don’t lie, they don’t throw out highball first offers, and they don’t seek to emotionally manipulate.
Good negotiators know that trust is important, but it takes time to build. If someone says “Don’t you trust me?” early in a negotiation process, it may be a ploy. The answer should be, “How can I trust you, I just met you! What can we do together to build trust in one another?”
A contract is just ink on paper. Anything and everything can be negotiated including whatever is written on the contract. Everything’s negotiable, all the time. Everything.

If you can master these fundamental attitudes, your negotiations will begin to go much better.

To really take yourself to the next level, read and hold in mind the following specific smart concepts, strategies and tactics to ensure your negotiations are made from the position of greatest strength.

24 CONCEPTS, STRATEGIES & TACTICS

Holster your emotions and stay engaged in the relationship. Don’t just walk away from the deal because it seems at first like you’re at an impasse that can’t be surmounted.
Ask for what you want when the other side is in a conciliatory position. When they’ve just made a concession, ask for another one, you might just get a string of “yes’s”.
If at an impasse, sometimes it’s worthwhile to step past your major objection for a few minutes to explore what’s on the other side. “Before I comment on that, I’m going to ask you this” or “Let’s pretend that open item isn’t a problem, is everything else to our satisfaction?”
Negotiate not just for yourself, but on behalf of parties not present. Or future parties who can’t be present, i.e. someone who is going to take over an asset or an agreement or a contract. Consider all their interests as well, and negotiate on their behalf. (Salespeople will be familiar with this in the form of the “Gotta ask the wife” objection, which is a gross, low-level form of negotiation on behalf of a party not present.)
When it looks like the deal is sunk, just hang on a few more minutes and be silent. If you need to say something, say “How are we going to solve this?”
The words you use matter. There’s a big difference between “I want X” than “I expect X.” Think about the differences and ponder when and why you would use one over another.
One of the most important things you can do in a negotiation is to understand where the balance of weakness lies. Although every deal has a “win-win” possibility, most people won’t truly be thinking in this direction (although they may pay it lip service.) So one party always holds more weakness — which party is it? It doesn’t matter how big the parties are. A billion dollar company can hold the balance of weakness if it desperately needs the intellectual property that’s held by the $1 million dollar company that they’re trying to buy. If the balance of weakness is on the other side of the table, use your strongest language and ask for what you want. If the balance of weakness is on your side, figure out how to move it.
Opening negotiations with other parties is just one simple way to shift the balance of weakness. If one company wants to make an offer to buy your company, you probably want to talk to 3 others. If you only have one big customer, you should probably get 3 others.
Almost everything you say in a negotiation should be a question.
Seek to understand standards. “Is it policy for your organization to do X?” If the other side doesn’t want to answer the question, ask if it’s a fair question. “Is it appropriate that we should be able to ask questions about standards?” This makes the question itself a standards question.
The path of least resistance has the smallest steps. It’s a process of leading people from the familiar to the unfamiliar, step-by-step. The more difficult the situation or the bigger the goal, the more steps you’ll have to take, and the smaller each step should be.
The best negotiators are usually the best framers of an issue. The reason one person can be much more persuasive than another with the same set of facts is because of superior framing. You must package the information in a way that creates a different picture in the other person’s head.
You don’t have to accept the other person’s framing. You can reframe. Start with what they’ve said, and find a different way to interpret it, that brings new insights to the discussion. Use this power carefully and in a positive way, without seeking to manipulate anyone or gain an unfair advantage. There area always (at least) two ways of looking at the same set of facts.
The best negotiators are accustomed to trading items of unequal value. They view the whole word as potentially part of the deal. Often your negotiating partner wants something intangible, not more money. Or they want to save face. Or they want an emotional payment. If you don’t know the picture in their head, you can’t help them reach their goals, and therefore can’t reach your own goals. You must understand what they really want, and be creative in helping them get what they want, even if it’s not in traditional deal terms.
Consider this question as a guiding principle in your negotiations: “What costs me nothing that gives you what you want, and what costs you nothing that gives me what I want?”
You will be a good negotiator if you can see the future, and that comes from preparation. Before every negotiation, find a partner who can role-play the other side with you. But switch roles — you negotiate the other side of the deal versus yourself. This will usually uncover key insights about the other side’s hopes, dreams, & fears that you can use to get a better deal. (You can also use this technique during negotiating itself.)
Good to remember in all business dealings: “No product or service is ever just a ‘commodity’ as long as you make sure that you key in on the personal connection. It is your synapses, your experience, your time, your efforts, your interests in others that you have to trade. And that differentiates your offering from everyone else’s. Those are the intangibles that enrich the lives of others and cause better deals to happen. It causes everyone to get more.”
If you experience bad behavior from the other party, call it out. This is just being Fierce. If you suspect the other team might not be in agreement with one person who is being aggressive, ask “Does everyone agree with the statement that was just made?” This will help the other team get on the same page, and lead to everyone getting more.
Look for the “behavior drivers” of the other party. Is the customer service rep incentivized based on surveys after the call, or maybe a testimonial you can e-mail to them? Is the sales agent incentivized on volume? Can you help your counterpart get more of what they want? That will usually lead to them helping you get more of what you want.
When people are emotional (angry) negotiations tend to break down, because creativity goes down, and listening becomes much harder. When people are angry or upset, there is a small window through which to connect with them — your messages must connect with them emotionally, i.e., give them emotional payments. Recognizing the power someone has (i.e. a cop) is an emotional payment. Recognizing that they have a hard job is an emotional payment. Thanking someone for doing their job well is an emotional payment. If you provide for their emotional needs with understanding and listening, eventually the window will open back up, and you can resume creative work to help you both get more.
When dealing with heterogenous groups, the most effective approach is to forge an alliance with the moderates, and they will go after the extremists in their own party. Going after the extremists yourself tends to drive the moderates towards the extremists.
The best way to persuade people to do something for you is to provide benefits to them, not threaten them.
The more you ask questions with standards embedded in them, the more persuasive your side will be in any negotiation or public issue.
Time pressure is the enemy of good negotiations. Decades of studies have shown that time pressure leads to a) worse deals b) reduced ability to process information c) bad judgment, d) neglect of important information, e) fewer options, f) more emotion, g) more use or raw power, h) more stereotyping, and i) more stress. You can safely refuse to do business with those who would force time pressure into negotiation, especially artificially. Try saying: “I don’t negotiate deals under time pressure; it leads to bad outcomes. Is it true that you want a good outcome for our negotiation?”

3 SPECIFIC, POWERFUL PHRASES

Before we talk about these issues, how are you guys? How are you feeling? How’s your family? Are you guys happy? What is your favorite food? What about the weather?
Is it your goal to make customers happy?
Has an exception ever been made to this policy? When? Where? Why? By Whom?

There you have it — a cheat-sheet of negotiation attitudes, strategy and word-for-word phrases that get results. Hopefully you find these useful and can begin to put them into practice right away.

SUGGESTED READING…

Getting to Yes by William Ury, Bruce Patton, Roger Fisher
The Power of No by James & Claudia Altucher
Getting More by Stuart Diamond

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Also published on Medium.