[Thanks to reader James Stines for submitting this guest post. -Andrew]
Divorce has become very common in our society. No one expects their love to fade, people to change, or hearts to be broken, but about half the time it does and “till death do us part…” becomes a time stamp on a court document.
You are left feeling like a failure. Your finances are generally in disarray. Your routine has become up-ended and you find yourself alone after having someone there almost 24 hours a day.
Take heart Gentlemen! You’re not alone. Statistically, you’re the norm. Things come to an end, and marriages are no exception. The best thing to do now is pull yourself up by the boot straps and make the best of it.
After 15 years of marriage, at the age of 40, I found myself divorced. I have learned a few things having gone through it myself.
1. Don’t go it alone. The first thing you’ll notice is how quiet your home is. No longer having that person there all the time will leave you feeling lonely. Get used that. Embrace it. Enjoy it. However, if you start feeling down, call on your friends. Reconnect with those you’ve lost touch with. If it gets really bad, call for help. We’re men and we have feelings. Sometimes it takes a Bro to get through them.
2. Give yourself time. Many guys jump right into a relationship. Not that they’re weak, but men typically like routine. You want to get back to that feeling again. To feel normal. Use this time to push the reset button. Figure out who you are, what you like and what you want. Date if you must, but make it clear where you’re at and don’t lead the woman on.
3. Reinvent yourself. The first thing I did was realize this was a chance to start over. I went looking for resources to make myself a better man. A few that I found very helpful were:
a. https://fiercegentlemans.com/
c. http://www.artofmanliness.com/
I found my style had gotten old, my clothes didn’t fit well and I just didn’t know how to be a single guy. Leaning on our brothers helps you find the new, better you.
4. Work out. This has many benefits. Gets you out of the apartment, gives you time to think, makes you feel and look better. Set some weight and growth goals to hit before you put yourself out there for the fairer sex to help motivate you.
5. If you’re a father, be a good one. Divorce is divisive by nature. There are hurt feelings on both sides. Your kids should not be a part of that. Do not use them as weapons against your ex. Do not speak ill of their mother to them. Do not relay messages to their mother through them. Be the best example you can be, even if it eats you up inside to do so. Enjoy your time with them and make sure they feel you are present when they are with you.
In the end, we can’t always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we react to it.