It’s not enough to be a gentleman. You must also be a gentle man.
Self Portrait by Jan Charles Linus Ekenstam
People are getting hit with hammers all day long. The hammer of illness, or injury, or their bank account, or their spouse is leaving them, or they’re already alone and have given up on love.
None of that matters when a truly gentle man sits down with them. His open face, deep Presence and the warm smile in his eyes invites them to unwind their worries, let their hair down, and speak the truth.
If this gentle man was a spirit, he’d be a spicy warm whiskey that worked its way into all your knotted muscles, dissolving tension and soothing the stress. You’ll feel your muscles unclench and your brow smooth.
Suddenly, you know there’s nowhere else you need to be; nothing else you need to do; nobody else you need to be. Everything is fine just as it is. You can feel yourself open and breathe, and with that breath comes the fresh air of possibility.
That’s the power of the gentle man. He is not crushing your hand in a vice-like handshake. He’s not leaning into you and clouding your judgment with his breath. He’s not rushing you, interrupting you, or cutting you off. He’s taking a sip of his tea while he waits for you to speak. You have time to think. He’s listening.
And because he’s listening, you’re talking. You’re saying things you didn’t even realize you thought. His listening is helping you think.
He’s being attentive. You might even say he’s absorbed. He’s not judging you, or if he is, he’s keeping that to himself. He’s not giving you advice or telling you what to do. He’s just staying with you. Giving you his full attention.
When you walk, he’s adjusting his pace to match yours. When he touches you, you can feel strength, warm and healing flowing from his fingers to your body. You remember what it felt like when your father laid his hand on your shoulder, the strength flowing from him to you, encouraging us to do the hard thing, the brave thing, the right thing.
This is a very cold world. We’ve had a tough decade. There’s more wealth and poverty in the world now than there ever has been before. There are more mouths to feed. It’s getting harder to get by.
And yet, there has never been more opportunity, for those who can be gentle. There has never been more need for those who can give and receive. Who can be fierce when necessary and soft in their strength.
The gentle shall inherit the Earth. They will literally take it over with their strength. (To paraphrase both The Holy Bible and A Course in Miracles.)
We no longer live in a world that calls for a hard man, a ruthless man, or a violent man. This is not a world that calls for steel and iron to tame wild nature. The world we live in now calls for a man who can tame his own nature. The world we live in is a parched world, calling for a man who can draw from the deep waters of his own soul and find the strength of the ocean. We live in a world that calls for a gentle man.
You can raise him. You can inspire him. You can be him.
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Also published on Medium.