To be a good Coach is to be transparent, like glass.
A “clear” Coach casts no shadow on your situation. Their personal issues don’t come into the sessions. You can focus 100% on discovering your own inner wisdom.
Getting clear as a person takes a long time. It requires that you do honest inner work. There’s no way to fake or cheat or shortcut to it.
That’s why a Coach who has truly done the inner work commands a premium over someone who has attended training and gotten a certication; it’s because the Coaching certification is not enough.
With a weekend of training in listening, you can be good, you can help others. With a Coaching certification, you can get even better at this. Only after doing the inner work can you be Great.
So ask yourself: Do I want someone who can help me a little? Do I want someone who is good at helping me? Or do I want someone who is GREAT?
The true helper of others will be effective to the extent that they’ve sat in the fires of their own pain and forgiven their own woundedness. Many Coaches out there have yet to do this work.
They can still help you. But the work won’t be as clear.
Look at your prospective Coaches’ personal life. Is it together? Are they happily married? Happily divorced? Dating? Are they deeply in debt? Are they overweight?
It sounds judgmental, but it’s observational.
Most importantly: is their life together in the area in which you would like your life to be together? Don’t take advice from a man or woman who has not done what you want to do or viewed the world through a similar perspective to yours. JAY-Z said, “Everyone can tell you how to do it, they’ve never done it.”
It’s also said that “Those who can, do, and those who can’t, teach,” and there is a kernel of truth here: often, people are drawn to service in the very areas of their own deepest wounds, like the addictions counselor who gets thoroughly sauced ever Tuesday, or the Marriage & Family Counselor who is divorced, embittered & alone. These are stereotypes because they happen often.
When interviewing someone to work with, you have to look carefully at their personal life and ask yourself if you’d be content reaching the level of success that is in evidence in their own lives.
Now, if someone has struggled in an area of life, they often have more insight in that area than someone who has naturally had that area of their life work smoothly. This is the reason I don’t coach on Personal Finances or Time Management: I’ve always been good with money and time, so I don’t have much insight to add to those who do struggle.
If you’re looking to get some Coaching, here’s your summary of what to look for:
- A Coach who is clear
- A Coach who can listen you deeply
- A Coach who has in their life all the things you want in your life
- A Coach who is actively engaged in doing their own work — i.e. they “eat their own dogfood” by somehow continuing to do their own personal work
To explore if you and I might be a fit for Coaching, go read my Coaching page.