HEALTH Relationships Wealth Health

How To Become a Fierce Gentleman

By: Drew Long
Crowded Accademia gallery looking toward Michelangelo's David with unfinished Prisoners along the hall

How does one become a Fierce Gentleman?

One tiny step at a time.

Today, I’ll lay out the specific and practical strategies you can use to start taking steps towards becoming a fully-realized Fierce Gentleman.

In each section below, I suggest certain resources that may help you on your journey. I’ve done my best to curate only the highest-quality, most evidence-based, outcome-focused tools & resources. I .

HOW TO BECOME A FIERCE GENTLEMANS – START HERE:

  1. Life purpose
  2. Addictions
  3. Physical health
  4. Mental health
  5. Emotional health
  6. Financial health
  7. Fashion & Personal Style
  8. Healing in relationships

DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE

The Things to do are: the things that need doing, that you see need to be done, and that no one else seems to see need to be done. – R Buckminster Fuller

 

Your work is to discover your work, and then, with all your heart, to give yourself to it. – Buddha

What can you do, that you can see needs doing, that nobody else is doing?

If you can’t answer that questions in detail and depth, you must find that answer.

The world is in such a terrible shape today because we’ve been shuttled into “safe” careers for the sake of economic expediency; our natural instincts have been subverted by the predominant economic attitude of scarcity.

The true F.G. throws off this limiting mentality and instead, quests always to give his fullest Gift, even as his understanding of that Gift changes over time.

This is deep work. It’s not work that you can do in an afternoon, or a weekend retreat. But it’s essential to do this work none the less.

STEPS ON THE PATH

  • Travel.  Often, we don’t give ourselves enough “breathing space” to really discover what we love, and listen to our deepest intuition. Travel, simultaneously expanding our awareness of what’s possible & breaking us free of our habits of mediocrity, is often just the tonic we need to make that quantum leap to our next greatest adventure.
  • Buckminster Fuller on WikiQuote, as an ideal shot of inspiration
  • My friend Jason Silva is a man who has carved out his own completely unique niche, and he is a great example of what truly discovering your own Gifts can lead to.
  • Documentaries  that will get you thinking about what’s really important: Chasing Ice –Deep Water – 180 South – Exit Through the Gift Shop

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WIN YOUR FREEDOM FROM ADDICTIONS

Ultimately, happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your own mental afflictions and the discomfort of being ruled by them. -Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

We can be addicted to almost anything: gambling, chocolate, shopping, Reddit.

I have found that the top two addictions that most men are dealing with are alcohol (and/or cigarettes) followed by porn.

STEPS ON THE PATH

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GET THE BODY RIGHT

If you’re tired of starting over, stop quitting. -Unknown

Most men I know know they need to move their body, lift heavy things, and generally take better care of themselves, either for a specific athletic reason, or for general health & longevity.

But this is often one of the most daunting areas of our lives to begin making improvements in: there is a universe of information on the Internet, and a million possible starting points.

STEPS ON THE PATH 


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GET YOUR MIND RIGHT

Insight is the sharp ax, and concentration is the strong arm. Together they can cut down the tree of suffering at its roots; individually the ax and the arm cannot fell it. – Donald S. Lopez Jr

There are a few levels on which we must address right-mindedness: the physical, and the metaphysical.

On the physical level, there are a number of things you can do, including meditation, aerobic exercise, and proper nutrition (see previous section.)

On the metaphysical level, your quality of Mind, and your access to your deepest intelligence, will be improved by a deeper quest for your own individual spirituality. This can include meditation / yoga / study of sacred texts, or any other spiritual path that you find works for you.

Below are a few excellent starter reads for overall mental health.

STEPS ON THE PATH 

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GET YOUR HEART RIGHT

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. -Khalil Gibran

The most important thing most men can do is to start the emotional healing of past traumas.

Although this is a process that can (& should) be explored in a group of close male companions, with a therapist, or as part of a guided spiritual journey, these tools are often not available to men right away.

Luckily, the process of healing can begin on one’s own, with no monetary investment, in as little as 1 hour 40 minutes, spread over 5 days (see first link below.)

STEPS ON THE PATH

  • Erase the Pain of the Past in 20 Minutes a Day – Love & Freedom article covering the “writing to heal” technique – it gives results in 20 minutes a day x 5 days in a row. A quick and easy read.
  • Writing to Heal by James Pennebaker PhD – the book upon which my article, above, is based.
  • Goenka Vipassana – A non-sectarian, donation-only nonprofit that hosts 10-day silent meditation retreats in peaceful settings all over the world. A deeply difficult, but healing, experience.

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GET YOUR TREASURE RIGHT

Making money isn’t hard in itself… What’s hard is to earn it doing something worth devoting one’s life to. -Carlos Ruiz Zafon

How do you make money? What are your habits with spending, saving, & debt?

We all have obstacles to earning more, launching that business we’ve always dreamed of, or negotiating for what we really want.

STEPS ON THE PATH

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GET YOUR STYLE RIGHT

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. -Harlan Hogan

I don’t write a lot about men’s fashion. Mostly because I barely get by in this area myself, but also because so many others do so well.

Still, it’s important. So educate yourself, spend the money you need to spend, and make it a good one.

Below, to help you, are my favorite resources.

Cheers.

STEPS ON THE PATH

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GET THEE INTO A RELATIONSHIP

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?  -Oscar Wilde

Pardon me, I don’t dare advise you on how to conduct your romantic affairs, but I have just this one observation to make: there is only so much work you can do solo.

For all of us, there are a number of issues that will only surface within the context of an intimate relationship.

A close partner is a mirror held up to you that reveals things you are simply unable to see. At some point, you’re going to have to get into a close, intimate, one-on-one relationship in order to surface these issues and begin working through them.

To become a trustable man takes presence and practice. To become a competent-to-exceptional lover requires patience and practice with a devoted partner. In fact, becoming sexually balanced requires that you not only get your mind and body right as described above, but it often requires that you build enough intimacy and comfort with an intimate partner so that some of the dark sexual wounds of the past can safely surface and heal. You’re not going to even know they exist unless you spend time with a committed other.

STEPS ON THE PATH

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Do you have a resource you think should be included in this post? & I’ll review it.

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Also published on Medium.